I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
