Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
