Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
