i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
