My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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