oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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