I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
