Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
