i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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