Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
