I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
