I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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