I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
