do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
they need to just BURY HIM!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
