It was confusing and full of hummus
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
