This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Ladies don't puke and tell
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
