her vagine was all disorganized.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize