We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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