did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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