Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
