The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
