just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
