My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
