yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
