a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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