Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
