i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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