Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
