its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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