I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize