Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
