I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm really into asian looking animals
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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