my mouth tastes like poor choices
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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