he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
