my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
