Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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