I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
