loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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