so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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