I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize