I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
