If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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