I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
