i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
