It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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