I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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