Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
