i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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