There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Randomize
