those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
