The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize