You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
