Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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