Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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