i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
