..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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