I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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