Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
