So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
