dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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