if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
