btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
