your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
